The last time we spoke, both of us were in a complex situation individually. The moment I decided to leave without prior notice, you simply reached out to me (probably less than 24 hours). I don’t know how you knew about it, but that sweet gesture of yours kept me thinking. Is not the first time though, you did reach out twice when I was at my lowest point (losing 2 important people in a span of 5 months) without asking for it. I wanted to do the same when you made your announcement last year, but I just didn’t know how to approach you. But the fact that I did have intentions and later on you did it twice to me says a lot about you. Perhaps it was DeSTiNy and we are CoNnEcTeD.

We had a very intense and funny relationship, we bickered so much about such a mundane subject, pineapple pizza. During my years on the team we just fought, got offended, and simply put, disagreed so much in our palate. But most importantly, we had fun respectfully and responsibly. I taught you a bit about psychology and community, and you taught me about perseverance and legal complex stuff. We almost had a huge fight due to a mistake I made that turned things into a misunderstanding. I didn’t want to mess things up, I wanted to take responsibility for my actions and comply by fixing the situation at that moment. I also didn’t want to breach your authority nor damage our friendship.

I have no clue what you saw in me Fettuccine, that made you decide to reach out unexpectedly. I mean, we were just strangers turned into co-workers communicating via voice chat with other members. You lend me your friendship without knowing me at all, minus our general interaction in the team. I talked about you to my friends, and one in particular said the following:

The people you least expect in your life are the ones who do so much impact. Both of you were the opposite, yet something unexpected solidified a special hidden bond…

I met some great people on the team, but out of all of them, you became an exceptional being. That last time when you reached out to me, you tried your best with your Spanish (I love it when people do that) and simply started to open up. I was not in the best place with the right head and told you I was going to get back to you; I just needed some space. You waited. When I did reach out days later, it was the day I got the call of the second death of an important person. I felt trapped in my unstable head and I could no longer hold it; I blurted everything out with you in tears. How I felt at the moment, how I felt in the last 2 years, and all the stuff I endured from abusive people. You are the only one who knows every inch of the details. The fact that you took those days to talk to me, even though you were not also in the best circumstance, made things feel less heavy.

People like you make a difference by trying to be present, caring, and responsive, or at least give an acknowledgment. I like to think that more people like you exist, perhaps they’re just hidden gems under pressure. Since that first reach out, I felt compelled to take care and nurture our spontaneous friendship. I couldn’t waste away such a genuine connection in this superficial era. It took me years to realize the damage I made for being an irresponsible, unavailable emotional person, and a few more years to rectify such behavior. The urges are still there sometimes, but as I get older, the less I want to replicate my past behavior. Because at the end of the day, what comes around, goes around.

Isn’t that funny? The moment I left was the day you came back to the team, I guess it was meant to be. This was one of the most difficult and emotional decisions I ever took, and no matter the alternatives I came up with, it didn’t work. I tried to stay glued to it as I became emotionally invested and ended up emotionally devastated. I was just exhausted and in that particular video, I predicted my end, tiredness.

Anyway, Fettuccine, I know I haven’t been able to reach back since I’m not feeling well (processing, reflecting, and mourning 3 losses altogether), but I managed to draw some stupid doodles about us as is my only way of communication for now. If I ever end up in Italy, I’ll visit you and eat some pizza (mine will still be pineapple) while talking about our life and the fights we had. We will catch up soon Fettuccine, please take care.