Before the pandemic hit, I was clueless, absorbing every expectation people had of me to succeed in the industries with endless information that contribute to my anxiety and desperation. After the hit, I was a hot fuzzy mess full of confusion, torn apart between who I always wanted to be and what should I become in the industries just to be validated and relevant.
Two years ago was my blooming era as well as my collapse that ultimately revealed a catalyst. An old friendship eroded, and I was finally free from judgment. I didn’t miss it one bit, and yet I was not looking for a new friendship until I healed some wounds. I met someone with whom I was able to experience my first sexual attraction, and it felt so surreal. I was head over heels willing to do anything, including terminating it for the right reasons. But I could no longer bear the insecurity and game manipulation, I opted to finish it on good terms, and all I got was an abrupt rejection. After that came the sexual assault (at the end of the day I got blamed for it), and I had no one to talk to about it. I was afraid to confide in the person who I considered important before because I didn’t want to disappoint him, just like he expressed previously about my personality. After all, I couldn’t rely on being vulnerable again with anyone, and then came Ama. I was still not interested in any relationship and yet 2 years later I feel like we were twins separated from birth. And that’s where all this bullshit began.
The truth is no one asked me what I really wanted to begin with, they all told me what should I do based on their experiences instead of exploring my troubles and diagnosing me with a fair prescription surrounded by my interests and goals. After years of navigating the freelance world, I can see now my previous reflection on so many young people who are in the same spot as me years prior. I told myself I had to do something about it, so I chose the “not viable” path against the current.
Let’s be fair, a mentor is someone who guides you in your best interests and dedicates his time to valuing you, learning from you, and listening to you. I barely had those, and to obtain his attention to discuss serious matters, I had to either beg or keep asking “when can we talk”, and out of those unsuccessful reunions, all I got is “I’m busy right now” with a broken promise.
I found myself resistant to share news, gig negotiations, or information I discovered because it would equal the 3 famous quick replies:
At the end of the day, the information that I provided from the beginning resulted being true, bruh.
Everything was based on fear and how everything outside is better than the local and everyone shouldn’t be trusted. Sooner, I found myself taking this advice literally and avoiding any type of contact or collaboration with the people, perhaps even missing some great opportunities. No matter what I said, I was dismissed or invalidated, told that I had no clue what I was talking about and things don’t work that way. Yet he was the one outdated, an old-school guy who barely knows how to properly interact with his fans, who refuses to relearn technology, and how to work with the platforms that can provide him so much more. And yet falls short in the industries because he is just a “tool” for fixing their problems and his multiple personal projects barely fulfill their objective.
“iF yOu WaNt To Be ReSpEcTeD YoU hAvE tO wOrK iN tHe InDuStRiEs”
Here is a funny story, before the pandemic I was struggling to be part of the industries on my own. The more I updated my portfolio, the more I polished my work, and the more I studied the companies and wrote endless CV letters, the more I got burned out and depressed with rejection after rejection. Thinking back, I thought I was either doing something wrong, my art was not polished enough, or I wasn’t good enough for them. This led me to seek validation from other professionals and ask for advice, leaving me most of the time ignored or dismissed.
The more I kept myself glued 24/7 to my laptop “polishing” or “upgrading” while limiting my time breaks, hangouts, and normal time (cooking dinner, sleeping 8 hours, playing with Dali, or catching up with people) the less product I was with my life.
My “mentor” kept telling me that this was the way to enter/succeed and if I kept that attitude and mindset about how fucked up industries are (especially with abusive environments and how WFH doesn’t benefit at all to us with fair payment/negotiations) I’ve would probably starve in a constant war. I refused to be like him or to be in his miserable position. After many “failed attempts” in the industries due to their rejections, I started to focus on myself.
When you start to do you what you love and dismissed what other people think of you, that’s where your success initiates. A genuine version of yourself begins to bloom.
I’m an advocate of freedom, and the idea to belong to someone and do what they ask for a long period is something that is not part of my Bible. Yeah, we all need clients to build an empire of trust, relevance, and recognition, but let’s face it, with the hit of the pandemic the whole mindset of “you are no one without the industry” is utter bullshit because we learned that the industries always needed us, not the other way around. A lot is going on with independent professionals working for themselves, especially when they rely on their fans or communities (people who like and/or believe in them). These are the people I admire, who specializes in communities such as Tom Ross, Ross Draws, Anneli Hansson, Chris Do, etc. Actually, since the pandemic and lack of contact and connection, a lot of professionals are relying more on communities than social media itself.
I’m aiming to build a culture brand with @cafr3sita and @rumberascandela, I gained so much support, love, and recognition within my communities. And because of the word of mouth, I gained so much more with help from friends, clients, and fans.
One of the best validation I have ever gained is when people dedicate me intimate messages telling me how much I’ve helped them during their transition indirectly (they either listened to my podcast, watch my videos, or bought my contracts). After I was given the opportunity to take some classes for my Trazo Invisible Podcast and Building Up A Community, things became more different and felt like home.
Honestly, the idea to be part of the industries faded away gracefully, if it happens then cool. My biggest fear is to be abused by the industries, hold a grudge, and forever hate art. As of right now, I have important stuff to attend to that has an urgency to the matter. Helping those who are in need and keep doing what I love most, doing art, and pissing people off because it does feel right.
Siempre cafre pero humilde. Mejor pendeja que elitista.
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