The Blank Wall

Have you ever stumbled across a giant blank wall after a long adventurous road? Have you ever felt like focusing on something specific and when you accomplish it, you suddenly feel empty?  Have you wondered how can you gain back that motivation or find the road you once lost? I will share my experience of how I struggled for an entire month, searching my way back to my muse. I hope that whoever is in the same boat finds a way to solve their issues.

The Initiative

Between July and August, those 2 months became the most intensive. Brainstorming, concept art, pre-production, and production of an illustrated album for The XX Concurso de Album Ilustrado a la Orilla del Viento 2016. I began to work hard for something that I wanted to accomplish a long time ago, my own illustrated book. I was pouring my soul to it. I felt I was raising a child of my own, writing down the values, my beliefs, and feelings. It became clear I was becoming vulnerable inside that book but it was unavoidable from my part.

In the middle of August, I was exhausted, not only because I was so focused on the book, but because of all the situations, I was passing through. At some point I wasn’t enjoying this journey anymore, I felt that I just had to finish just a simple artwork for my portfolio, rather than for my own development. I was dealing with so much stuff in my head that I could no longer keep up. I just wanted to quit immediately but instead, I stopped my whining and went back to work because something called determination kept picking on me.

Seeking In The Grounds

Once I finished the book I scattered off to new grounds, in search of new projects to begin with. That’s where it hit me, I was still so exhausted of the long journey that I stumbled across this giant Blank Wall. I was not facing an art-block or a creativity-block, I was facing a big one, it was called a motivation-block. I spent an entire month in limbo because I didn’t felt like drawing or doing anything at all. It frustrated me so much that I began trying so many things to gain that lost muse.

  • I started hanging out more.
  • Tried new foods, movies or music.
  • Socialized with other people (even if I didn’t want to).
  • Watched some European animations.
  • Tried coloring things with markers (still, need some practice).
  • Until I opened my old Reference Album…
That time when I searched for this tiny picture of the "Lolita Goth Girl" stored on my album for 8 years.

That time when I searched for this tiny picture of the “Lolita Goth Girl” stored on my album for 8 years.

The Reference Album

For some odd reason, I went to pick my old Reference Album, once I picked up my Gremlins. Inside that album, I stored (for some 8 to 10 years) all the pictures I collected from magazines, newspaper, and other media over the years. I began reorganizing it until I found this tiny picture of Party City’s costume of a “Pink Lolita Goth“.

I’ve been meaning to sketch her since the beginning but never did. I didn’t hesitate and started to draw her that night. I even manage to create her a background story and imagined her battling in an abandoned building against some Nazi soldier with the aid of a crazy scientist (That’s so Hellboy!). It felt great, it was spontaneous. The other day I posted this on my FB and got pretty good responses, one in particular, saying the following:

Sometimes the best thing to do is to look back before going forward. – S. Allyson

Even Robert, who was passing through a difficult time, thanked me for writing something important in one of my posts. He said that ever since I wrote that message, he began to re-work his artworks and manage to get out of depression. So, if you ever find yourself in the hole, instead of doing things you normally do for a great time, find a way back to the origins and wonder why. Why does it move you?


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