Someone once taught me that the very first piece of your diary at the beginning of the year should enlighten all the good qualities. Is like trying to become lucky by swallowing 12 grapes before the countdown from New Year Eve’s ends. To be honest I’ll revert the method by enlightening the following because I need to see this from another angle.
Ever since the chaotic phenomenon (Maria & Irma) stroke our Island, everything became so double challenging. We lost a lot that survival mode became our norm during the aftermath. I got a job that I clearly had to move mountains, cross oceans and had to adapt my soul to work endlessly.
I got fed up with inconsistency from so many people. From having their needs met before mine, putting up with their bs and extending my emphatic and tolerance gauge meter. Later on, my boundaries were crossed because since they suffer from conditions, they felt the need to excuse their repeated erratic behavior. Making the same mistake is a trend!
You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake, it’s a choice. – Steven Denn
To say you value and respect someone while your actions don’t match up with words is a red flag. Awareness is the key to maintain consistency on the action and avoiding fouls while respect is the main recipe for compromise. So I kept telling them what bothered me, so both of us could work for a solution mutually. Eventually got unheard quite often, felt stuck in a self-centered relationship, because convenience was everything that existed until there was no more room to grow. Consequently, in my case, the emotional detachment had to happen painfully, silently and slowly.
You either accept the fact of who they are and keep enduring every hit until you lose yourself in the process or walk away with self-respect. I chose the latter because it felt right. Just because you have low self-esteem, no self-respect or ambitions it doesn’t mean I have to be dragged down too or treated poorly.
The unmistakable value in living in the present and finding peace, fulfillment, and contentment in that. We are not here to gain, but to find our abundance by giving. – Jessica Harney
The saddest part of the story is when they did things half-ass and still pretended my stay in the relationship. After the incidents in the last months, I felt more relieved closing the door to several toxic people that meant a lot back then. I’m comfortable where I’m standing now at some length, but sooner I have to outgrow my shell again. I hate/love my job, made great friends and got my first apartment. This had to happen, for one or many reasons. Deep down I know I made the right decision and I will hold my position firmly.